Ready For My Close-up

A star is born, not really my fifteen minutes of fame have yet to start. I went the other day for my on camera testimonial and it was a fun experience. Because I have experienced the camera before and had a story to tell I was calm and relaxed. I listen to the things the editor wanted and I gave her my story from beginning to end. She was really pleased with me and the way I carried myself and the story I had to tell. I got to tell people the warning signs and not to repeat my error in waiting for so long to get help. I made sure that everyone knew that economics played a part and that I was not depressed. But I was content to let my fate be decided by nature rather than me. I have sleep apnea and I was hoping that would decide my fate and that I go quietly in my sleep. But I lived to find out there are worse fates results than death.

I awoke twice in the night and tried to go to the bathroom and fell down both times. The last time I almost went through the window then down a floor to certain death. But I would have been cut up pretty bad on my way down; I still had a desire to save myself. I guess that carried me through the whole ordeal. At least the retelling of the story wasn’t as traumatic as the event, I got a certain relief out of it. I could tell it made an impression on the woman I was telling my tale to and my description of the pre-stroke event was something she hadn’t heard before. She was so pleased that we decide to do a B-roll later of me walking in the park. For those of you who don’t know a B-roll refers to filler material so the producer can fluff out the story. It’s an interesting process and I’ll post the final result when I get a copy. So my fifteen minutes of fame hasn’t started yet and I can look forward to it with relish.

------------------------------------------------------

On another note today is Memorial Day. A day of remembrance for the people who have given their lives for the freedoms we enjoy. We can debate the cause of the war, any wars for that matter. But we all should remember the men and women who have had their lives taken from them. We should remember to make the sacrifice for very good reasons and not to waste it. Remember too that we should live and let live and not force our views on one another. Too many people have given the ultimate sacrifice so we can enjoy this day. Let’s enjoy today and accept some different view to celebrate.

Happy

I’d like to break out in a chorus of “Happy Days Are Here Again” but I’ve learned better by now. The meeting went well, better than well I’d even rate it a good. I’m cautiously optimistic, seems that I’ll at least get some work out of it that I can handle. You’ll have to understand that I can’t speak of the meeting in particular, too many pieces need to come into place yet. But I can speak of what my fears were going into it besides failure on my part. I was really afraid that I wouldn’t be able to keep up or to understand the concepts that were floating around. That I wouldn’t be able to add my opinions and feeling. But the old thrill of making a difference came back to me as never before.

I was able to visualize the project and the ideas as well as I ever could and was able to make coherent comments and suggestions. Best of all I could follow ideas as they came one after another. It was thrilling to be part of the action and the actors. It was almost better than sex with none of the perspiration and trouble. I remember back when I was forty-five and working for New York Telephone and doing the Emmy’s. I had a lot of work to organize and get accomplished in a short time. I was on the phone a lot and traveling all over New York state and to Chicago where the Emmy’s are made. One of the broadcasters I was covering was WNET, the local affiliate of PBS. I almost worked out a deal at the end of my shoot that would take me to Dallas to get one of the principals. I came that close to shooting her and getting my travel paid so I could visit home but just missed out. Better that sex

So my meeting yesterday wasn’t as climatic but it did make me feel oh so good. It’s been a long time coming to reach this point where I feel comfortable with myself. A long time getting to the point where I feel able to cope with ideas and those ideas generated my own suggestions like before. I was able to forget about me and lose myself in the work and planning. I was excited by the nature of the project, the idea that it’s green technology at it’s finest and will add quality of life for a number of people. I’m ready to get started and lend my skills to this nascent project and see it grow into something I can be proud of. I haven’t lost sight of the commercial possibilities of the project either, I stand to make some good money as well. But the saying is “Catch the wave” and I meant to catch it and get a good ride out of it for as long as I can.

Economy

Well it would seem like the economy is improving, at least mine is slowly showing improving signs. At least some of my contacts are back and want to talk about things. The Dow went up and money seems to flow a little easier. Barring any new outbreaks I think it’s safe to say we’re hitting bottom at last. Don’t get too excited because it will be a long time till things are actually good again, if ever. But at least I’m seeing signs that things have stopped sliding and may just level off if the bankers don’t get their way and go back to risky investments again. I had to get on a do not contact list to stop the credit-cards offers from coming, I’d get a half dozen in a month. You know the world isn’t right when you’ve lost your business because of health issues and there still trying to sell you a credit card.

I feel like the banking institutions got themselves into trouble and brought us all along for the downhill ride. Ditto for the wall-street types with their huge rewards all for taking risk’s and having we taxpayers to save their butts. We small business types take risks each and every day we operate, we take the risks of failure as a given. But there is no one to save us from our own follies we’re just allowed to fail and it’s left to us to pick up the pieces and start again, if we can. No kindly uncle is there to pat us on the back and shake his head and say try again little one and don’t be sad. I could have used someone like that, instead my friends pitched in to help me recover for the first year and a half when I truly was going under. It was the little people who helped me and saved me from the streets.

At least that’s my take on thing and only my opinion, I am not an economist or a writer of the economy. Lin can give you a much broader picture of the economy and who when wrong and where. I’m just telling you what I see and feel going on around me. First I had to stop by the post office to buy stamps and the clerk asked me how long ago I had my picture taken on my driver-license. He told me I looked younger somehow and that compliment started my day. Then I hadn’t seen one of my friends for about a year, he was very complimentary about how I looked and remarked on how profession I seemed. Then I got the meeting I wanted with my two friends that have gotten a project into the planning stage and want to include me. So it was a good day for my ego and a better day for pocketbook issues. Now I can actually see myself getting back to shooting professionally and getting back to having models again. I have miss that part of my life so much words fail me.

So things look pretty strong in my little piece of the forest, things are getting settled and pieces of the sky aren’t crashing all around me for now. People are actually breathing easier and have things to look forward to. An improvement in people’s piece of mind’s and attitude as the dust begins to settle. I know without a doubt that the pain is going to linger awhile and lots more people are going to get hurt and I feel for them. I just thank my lucky stars that I have some good contacts, good friends that want to see me succeed with them. That I have a good reputation that people know and trust. I know that without a doubt that my friends were the key to my survival and that only the people who knew me were going to give me a chance to get back into the game.

This Old House

This is one of my early works created in 1968 or there about. I was twenty and so was the young lady. She was an early muse who’d let me try different things with her photographically. We did a lot of fashion and worked in a lot of abandoned building. We were attending college and became friend’s through a mutual acquaints. Actually another model I was working with who was more conservative. Mary was more laid back, she like us all at the time was striving to find herself and got a joy out of being photographed. So between classes and on weekends we’d find out of the way spots to do our work.

I could talk her into trying a number of different poses and tried different lighting with her most of which were available lighting. Without a reflector I might add because they hadn’t been invented yet. We were all working with flashbulbs and they were so erratic and expensive. This shot is about the only one I have left because when I left town to go explore the country I gave the shots back to her. I was such a fool then but I didn’t know better.

We were working in an old house along the river that was a favorite spot of mine. Out by the mission’s on what at that time was a pretty lonely stretch of nowhere. I was able to tempt a couple of girls out there to have them all to myself and my ideas. I look back on it now as an adult and I think how dangerous, without any means of contacting anyone. But I was young and bulletproof and so were the girls and nothing happened anyway. I got some good shots that way, working alone with the girl’s and getting a chance to know them. Thinking about it now it took a lot of trust on their part so I guess I was trustworthy then as now. But I never put the hit on my models, it was always about the work. Same as my poetry, I never use my poetry to get myself laid, after was another story altogether.

Anyway, this shot brings back a lot of memories of a time a place in my life. Almost at the beginning of my photographic life how much I’ve learned and how much I have left to learn. I wonder who I’ll have become when I’ve finished living my life.