Writing

I’m really pleased with the way my handwriting has come along. From an undecipherable scrawl to something almost passable. My arm has gone from absolutely flaccid and lifeless by my side to a useful appendage at last. But the metamorphous didn’t come easy or painlessly. Through endless exercise to just using it, I worked until I’m getting some good return and I can type again at long last, with dropped letter or added but I have learn to type again.
I had to learn to reprogram my mind first and then to rework the pathways in my brain. That’s where all the damage was done in the first’s place. There was nothing physically wrong with my hand, arm or leg; it was all in my mind as they say. But the longer it hung at my side the more useless it was becoming, the more atrophied it became from un-use. Use it or lose it as the old saw goes, I had lost the use of it and now I had to learn use it again or the loss was permanent. So I started from scratch and learned again how to move my arm, hand and leg.

I remember being so proud and getting some confidence back when I raised my hand up to my face early on. I couldn’t keep it there and it certainly took for ever to raise it but the point was I did it. I proved to myself that I could do it and with just a little will power I would learn to walk again too. But the process seemed endless and at time unrewarding. Keeping my spirits high was a prime goal of mine. That’s easier said that done the reality of my paralysis was at times over whelming. Though it got easier to do the exercises I didn’t feel there was a choice left to me that didn’t leave me worse off than I was. I was religious about my exercises and did them everyday. On my days off I tried to cook as normal, wash the car (only once was enough) and get back to showering as normal. It’s easy to forget how to do something that’s as normal as breathing. Normal as closing your eyes and lathering your head or washing your legs.
Balance was the challenge for me, how to balanced and moved at the same time. How to come to a full stop and write a check as I went through the checkout line. One day I felt myself going over and I couldn’t feel anything to keep me from falling. Now this is going to be embarrassing as I tipped further and further. At the last possible moment I found something to grab and I stayed upright thankfully but it was mighty close. I was all too aware that reaching out to ease my fall could cause a broken bone or worst if I hit my head. I lived in terror of some little kid bumping into me as children are want to do through no fault of their own or mine. The result would be the same for me though.
Then as I slowly recovered I started trying to write checks for the things I had purchased . I always made out the check at home and filled in the amounts only at the store. I learned a new appreciation for older people who are under tremendous pressure to do things faster because people are waiting. I also became aware of the process of writing the check, the ways you have to balance your body to physically write the check. I’ve found myself gripping with my toes for balance and stability to be able to perform the act of writing. It’s very complicated process writing and standing at the same time. And mine you I’m talking about printing not the smooth style of writing that I was used to.
But as I say I’m pretty pleased with the way I’m printing these days. I can look back at my check registry and notice the improvements. Through my blood-pressure log I can chart my progress day by day, week by week as the months turn into the years of my recovery that I’ve conquered.