Chaos Behind My Eyes

I’ve always been accused of having such a calm easy going demeanor, nothing could be further from the truth. People just can’t see life from my side of the eyes I look upon the world. True I project what I want them to see and feel while I try to figure out where we’re going photographically. But I am trying to get a feel for the magic of what is hopefully about to happen, giving that chemistry time and space to happen in. Whether in my tiny little apartment studio, or in a vacant house, or farm, or even some field somewhere magic works best when it is unrushed.

I’m often asked by a model what I’m shooting, and if it’s a head shot why are they are nude, that question usually come from the uniformed. I smile and say that I’m studying the way their bodies moves, but it’s so much more. It’s the angles I’m looking at, the way the light plays over the curves, and I’m giving them time to relax and get comfortable with me and themselves so that their bodies move naturally. I don’t usually see a lot of tension in them, after all they agreed to pose nude in the first place, but it takes time for that comfort to grow, and for them to become unaware of me or my camera. It take time for them to grow comfortable enough that they start talking about life, love and their body’s quirks. It take them time to grow comfortable we me, to trust me with their lives as well as their bodies.

My friend Dave has the right idea, getting to know each other for a day or two, go camping in the forest primeval, or just have them around for dinner and a fire, get to know each other as work-mates but as friend also. It pays to have an understanding wife or soul-mate, it helps to have a place way out in the middle of nowhere. But the rest of us have to do the best we can with what we have, and you can build that bond, but you can’t rush it. That bring us back to that chaos I was talking about, remember that.

So much of the chaos comes from knowing I have a lot to make happen in the time allotted me, plus I have to be right on with the technical stuff as well to get the results I want so that final print will turn out the way I want. It’s that terror, that absolute panic that I live to master, to get under control, that delicate dance I must do on the edge of a sword to get the results I want. I love real film, the unpredictably of the medium, any other way seems like cheating to me. I love the terror of it quite the way I love getting to know my models, to tell them they have a nice little tush when really, I mean it.



Dave