Starting Over

I was talking with a friend of mine, reminding him of how we used to talk about the possibilities of going back in time and starting over with what we know now. Wouldn’t that be wonderful, a dream come true, and then it happened to the both of us; much more severely in his case. He was hit by a truck, and left for dead along side the road in the early morning hours, while I was still copping with the effects of my stroke. Like Lin says, you have to be real careful of what you wish for. My friend is slowly returning to normal after having to learn everything over again including how to walk. He still can’t seem to get his leg to work right, but he’s trying.

Me I’ve got a lazy side as they say, I drag my right foot, not so you notice but enough so that the toe of my shoe is wearing faster the my left one. My hand and arm have swept so many glasses and dishes of the counter that I’ve lost count, and I still find it hard to get my head around concepts and ideas. Now how much of this is age related and how much is stroke related I have no clue, I’m learning to just deal with the issues as best I can. But I find it fascinating just the same, the brain is really a most interesting subject. The brain is very plastic, it can and will heal itself given time, and the right treatment. So much of that return is determined by the state of mind, and your will to survive. I know that sound funny, but it’s true, based on how much you loved that life you had, and how much struggle you are willing to put in to get it back. Also how much you have to lose if you don’t, like kids and a husband or wife.

My therapist tells me that family helps, be that blood or the family that you’ve gather around you over the course of life. But I feel it that state of mind that counts the most, at least in my case it did. My psychologist friend tells a story of this older man who’d had a stroke and wouldn’t wipe himself after going to the bathroom. He had the mental and the physical where with all but chose not to, he wanted his wife to do it for him. State of mind is a funny thing, I saw lots of men who welcomed that return to childhood rather than a return to the life they had. Me I couldn’t even stand to have someone hover over watching me while I took a shower.

But that is life as they say, watch out what you wish for because you’re liable to get your dreams good or bad. Kind of like that Monkey’s Paw story I read long ago. You do get the wish you dream of, but life has some funny twists to it and you have to learn to go with those flows, good or bad. So it pays to keep the good thought in your head and heart. Easier said than done, I still have my bad days, but on the whole I like my state of mind. Not any easier to live with, but the more things change, the more they stay the same.